I've noticed over the last few days that I am extremely fatigued & falling asleep just about everywhere I sit for a few minutes. Narcolepsy alert is at an all time high & it seems no matter how much caffeiene I have, it still won't prevent the episode. Along with this, I've also noticed an increase in chest pain, more than usual but not anything I haven't had before. I would say the pain I experience chest wise on a regular basis would have a first time middle aged man running to call 911 due to the extreme discomfort. Its unsettling I agree but if I ran to the hospital every time I experienced this I would honestly spend about 200 days in the hospital being told its nothing, just another ANS heart glitch. Now that being said, my cardiologist gets PISSED when I avoid medical intervention because he knows given my health issues to date, one of these episodes will be the real deal & I might not make it to the hospital at all. So I guess I'm considered a bit of a risk taker just because I won't waste the time of ER personnel to care for me if its going to be another false alarm.
I should explain the false alarm details. My heart is in crisis mode, there is something going on as I feel the pain and discomfort of what most people experience during a real heartattack however, in my situation, my heart can mimic the effects so that my body seriously considers it a heart attack but by the time I receive medical assistance things get better within an hour. My EKG does show some kind of permanent damage from I guess an episode that was perhaps not a false alarm but after a heart catherization, nuclear stress test and echo, nothing could be determined. So I'm back to square one, medical mystery.
My heartburn is BEYOND the worst its EVER been! Holy shit I'd take heart attack symptoms 1000 times over one bad night of reflux! I feel like I churning flames below & I'm constantly nauseous. Nothing like feeling like you want to puke 24/7 but you know what? I keep eating and drinking my diet Dews, status quo because I'm not changing ANYMORE of my lifestyle to accomadate this shit hole syndrome! I've sacraficed too much already so I'm just going to grin & bare it even if it means puking daily.
I've also noticed that I'm withdrawing from people lately. I have my parents here but I find I want to be alone rather than entertain, this is unlike me. Even time with friends I've almost cut everyone out & just chose to isolate myself from most of the people I know. I did some research on this & oddly enough, its natural for people that suffer major illnesses. They don't want to burden people around them or draw attention to what they have by being physically I'll around them so they tend to start closing off relationships. How ironic, the web has answers to everything!
I don't have the answers I want about this syndrome, like its origin in my life and I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone enemies included! Its a vile bastard that effects way to many internal issues! Complications with every frigging vital function of your life, who can seriously overcome this? I know I can fight it like no other but I'm losing ground and realizing its bigger than I ever gave it credit for.
In closing, I do want to say that I have no regrets that I was the one chosen to have this issue. I'd much prefer its me rather than any of my family or friends, I couldn't watch someone I know & love deal with this although my mom was not quite as fortunate, she has one of the sister syndromes of ANS, Parkinson's and having to help her stand up or at times grab her arm to help her balance herself, that's taking a toll on me. So I'm forcing myself to do more to hide my syndrome from her which is actually causing me to shut down more so then usual. For those of you wondering, yes I've not told my mom how sick I am. She has enough on her plate & like me, stress causes even more issues when an ANS syndrome is present. My father knows & is power of attorney should things go wrong for me. I WONT burden my mom with this, my brothers were hard enough to deal with after I told them. So for now, mums the word for mom. Take care & thanks for reading. Its not the end of the world after all. No I mean it, its 12/22/12 so I'm still here making the Mayans some bullshit speaking mother f'ers! Ciao
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