Throughout the past 10 years, all the testing that has been done to me has come back for the most part negative, it had just enough shades of concern to further investigate but overall no major concern on any doctors part that they felt it was a major issue. Along with this, they began to feel it was physchosomatic and I had been seen by three different therapists to evaluate that avenue of diagnosis as well. Of course that theory was also put to rest and again we were right back at square one.
As time progressed however, my wife at the time began to put full stock into the fact that perhaps it was in my mind afterall and they just couldnt unlock the link. Shes an RN and certainly given the tremendous medical workups I had throughout the years, I could see her having a thought about that but to actually take full confidence in that theory over what I was telling her began to slowly deteriorate the bond that we once shared. If the one person who at one time claimed to be your best friend above all else forgetting the bond of marriage and all that goes with it has now lost faith in everything you express is a cause of concern with your health, what do you really share with this person? It became a medical slander and even with one facet of our personal issues finally tested and confirmed by our family doctor, she joined me for the results of his findings. He explained the situation to her, I was overly relieved to realize it was a medical issue because I had no explaination for it otherwise. She had a Q & A with the doctor and found out what the solution would be for possible theraputic value and correction, got every detail down verbatim and I was confident as we left the office we would have a newer understanding that when I say there is something wrong with me medically not to doubt this or sabotage me with mental slander. We werent a minute down the hallway when she indicated that it was good that the doctor found the root cause of my medical issue but she still felt it was in my head. There is not good response to that, other than to mark that date down as the date to which the marriage begins to crumble, one spouse no longer believes in the other so whats the point?
Many more events happen over the years & hospital visits almost become routine and somewhat comical within the immediate family structure. I always bounced back quickly no matter what they did to me with the exception of the Toxic Encepolapathy which was a brutal 7 to 8 week recovery just to be human again. I still have ongoing issues from that nightmare. I've lost so much during that period, have people that talk to me that I dont even recognize but claim they know me for many years, have difficulty with very bright lights again, no picnic whatsoever.
Any medical issues suffered in a relationship are stressful, theres no arguing that at all. When its frequent and at times the ailments seem as though they are going to be possibly life threatening, its a time that adds alot of emotional stress to the marriage especially when there isnt a break from it. Thats never been argued, nor has it ever been discounted. However, when it becomes the source of pity and the focus is all about the one dealing with the spouse in the hospital rather than the spouse thats having all the major issues and countless tests and procedures done, thats when its tilted in the direction of looking for a way out. When you take your vows and you say the words "in sickness and in health" its not just words to fill up time at the alter its supposed to mean something. Not in this case though. As I was reminded in the earlier part of our separation, the fact that we were married in a church against her wishes, none of what the priest said mattered, essentially meaning we werent married before god, we were married before family and should something come up that disrupts the marriage such as health, its automatically void. I apparently didnt perceive the same meaning in those words and had the tables been turned, I'd still be there. I was once ridiculed for flying up to NJ overnight to see my grandmother in the hospital. I heard weakness in her voice and flew out Saturday morning, saw her and flew back home on Sunday evening. Its what you do when you love someone unconditionally.
A few days before last overnight hospital stay, my mother in law had a surprise birthday party of about 16 or so couples. At one point, she went around and said something about each and every person there, either how they met or how they impact her life. She worked her way to my wife and said all the things a mother would say about a daughter she was so proud of and I was sitting right next to my wife however, my mother in law moved her attention across the table to other couples in front of me. She made her way around until she spoke about the last person who was sitting on my other side and then she was reminded that she forgot her husband. My father in law had been rather stand offish in the past few weeks preceeding this party so that along with this obvious move to block me out it was an indication something was up. I didnt say anything and nothing was said.
The next day we ended up at my inlaws house where without any comment whatsoever her first order of business was to apologize for her "accidental" slip up of not recognizing me at the table for comment. She couldnt understand how it happened other than to say she didnt remember much due to the intake of wine, so she was extremely apologetic and again blamed the wine for allowing her to not only do that to me but allow her to forget most of the evening. I've studied people my whole life and when someone is blowing smoke it takes me about 1 nano second to detect it. So I figured shes indicated that she cant remember anything at all about that time period due to the wine, made sure to repeat it so I merely began to say the opening words she said to the person across from me, the person that she selected after my wife in order to bypass me and verbatim she recited everything she said about them at the party. Perhaps the people they deal with normally are idiots, I am not.
That weekend I was in the hospital for a five day stay and not that it was abnormal for me to be in the hospital, what was missing was my wife. In all the times prior she had never missed coming to the hospital to get with the doctor, she had even taken off of work, or son was in school and the baby could easily go to day care. A few days before, mother in law has her party mishap and now wife is MIA from hospital. When you are in the hospital with poor TV choices, you have alot of time to evaluate situations and this was one that I began to see as an issue.
Sure as God made little green apples, the day after I left the hospital and returned for outpatient IV meds, I received a text from my wife that the marriage was over. I had just seen her in person 8 minutes before that but with todays technology, who does anything in person anymore. My suspicions were confirmed, something indeed was up and her parents were aware of it for however long.
The divorce is actually what led to my diagnosis for the ANS disorder. The overload of stress from the initial shock, the fact that I never had a chance to recover from the hospital stay, the eviction process that was presented as a ploy to remove me from the home & my children, finding out about the other men & the singles dating site, the childrens reaction to the separation, my wifes annoying attorney, trying to find a place to live, no job/no money, I guess it was enough to finally set the body in motion for a full symptomatic attack in 2011 which in the end I am blessed with the ANS diagnosis.
I was certainly not at all interested in telling my soon to be exwife any of my medical findings due to the fact that she signed off on our marriage by her choice, but a comment she made to me that I realized how little she thought of me now, she clearly stated that if she owned a gun god knows what she'd do with it. This was said at a very awkward time in our separation concerning the kids. By things she said via phone and text she put me in one of the most awkward positions of my life, she was actually debating when I would see my children again depending on if she approved my home or not. Attorneys had to step in and she didnt see our youngest child until a parenting plan was in place which caused some delay. From a time standpoint it was no different then the amount of time she electively took when she had a weekend party with her friends from work, dropping Gia off at day care 6:15am Friday morning & she didnt see her again until Sunday almost noon and it would have been later had I not embarrassed her into coming home sooner. Its ok to stay away from your child electively for any time selected but the same time period told you cant see them is different.
The true reason for even inviting her into that spectrum of my life now is due to the fact that its possible our son my be affected by the same ANS disorder but obviously a much lighter variation. If caught in the early stages, maintaining it and controling it are a much more successful task and his prognosis for future is more appealing. We may not be married anymore but we are bound by our children therefore its always got to be in the best interest of the children that we move forward from this point on.
Although my wife was shocked and seemingly upset, I think shes somewhat relieved shes no longer with me knowing my future is rather grimm. My symptoms are getting worse and new ones are appearing daily which make this an ever evolving mess that I must sort out in order to survive.
In closing its best to say that when someone quotes the infamous words "life is short" seriously contemplate that as gospel. You just never know when you get your calling card. Thanks for reading
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